assalamualaikum wbt....
hye guys..rini dh dkt 7 bulan sy pkai tdung labuh n berpakaian mnutup aurat n alhamdulillah,my changes with ikhtilat n no more tabarruj..n yg pntg hti rsa sgt dkt dgn Allah..wink2..masyaAllah,bkn niat utk meninggi dri apth lg riak...sy just rsa hidup sy mkin brmkna n mkin bersinar sbb dlu sy byk rasa dri sy lost...yes,definitely,dlu cpt ptus asa,klu ada bnda xpuas aty n skit aty,hnye Allah yg thu prangai temper sy cmne..i prefer to hurt myself..which mean,i akn tmbuk dinding,pstu g tmpt sunyi,then cry.yes,dats what i did to express out my anger...definitely not anger but just unsatisfaction caption,tp i make it bigger n i didnt think in proper way...dats y,i rather choose to hurt myself than hurt the person who hurt my heart..im a strict n currently hate unfair situation..but,itu dlu..before my patience just like onion skin thin...mmg temper n prangai mcm apa je dlu..childish n emotional person..org wat slh skit,mmg ada je nk mrh...yeah,its me..i dont know how to control my anger..im easily get mad if xpuas aty..rmai complained n keep avoiding me..mmg time tuh,rsa cam,i dont get much fren...in proper way,i dont have much bestfren to express out my unsatisfaction feeling..mmg rsa down pd dri sndri pon ada..
i prnh trpiki,nothing impossible if i changed myself..i supposedly start by controlling my anger..n what i did is,i prefer to cry bila waktu doa..Ya Allah,its relief..siyesly,i try it often n what made me become better is after i doa n crying,i sujud blik..Ya Allah,the feelings is definitely clueless..bkn nk riak...siyesly,dont think like that k korang..btul la org ckp,lps luah dkt Allah,kta akn rasa lbih tenang..Alhamdulillah..dats my way rite now on how to release my stress...lbih best bila kta iringi dgn bcaan Al-quran lps tuh..:)..specially bc surah al-Kahfi..n my changes keep going on..i xprnh niat hnye utk tkr pemakaian shj,tp niat i,nk jd btul2 solehah n mnjd ketua bidadari di syurga nnti..amin Ya Rabbal Alamin..May ALLAH listen to my wish..T__T..how i love my lord so much..
br2 nih,i br je tmtkan praktikal as a foundation studnt dkt uniKL RCMP..i wat premdical...Alhamdulillah,everything went smoothly..tp i lalai sbb trlalu taksub dgn bnda2 duniawi..n Allah bg dugaan pd sy skali lg..nver mind,it shows how Allah love me so much..i dont get any place as a medical studnt kt RCMP..Ya ALLAH,bg sy,mmg agk sdih n mmg frust tuh deeply scattered in my brain n heart..yela,blaja mcm ape je tme foundy,even foundy tp its my 2nd time doing foundation after asasi uitm..mmg kt KMKN blaja probably like crazy..huhu..tp i dont cry..even mama saw me blankly n asked me,why i didnt cry over the failure...emm...i try to calm down,siyesly,dat situation were so in sadness mode...mama's eyes which full of hope keep looking into my eyes...tp i just act like nothing happen...i just tell Mama,Alhamdulillah,dugaan dri Allah lg..n run into my room to isolate myself..in my room,i sat on my bed blankly,thinking on my failure to get any seat as a medical student at RCMP..but then,i try to think back,setiap yg Allah rncang,psti adlh ssuatu yg trbaik...yes,Allah's planning..i keep that postive thought..then,i amek wuduk n siyesly,i xnanges n redha serta merta...yes,before this,i had faced many failure in my life...since asasi smpai 2nd times foundation..n this is the latest...klu ada failure je,knpm i nanges pstu ngamok2..brukkan prangai sy dlu..well,tuh zmn xmtang..hehehe...but now,i can think n act like a woman in adolescence..:)..Thanx Allah for keep giving tests for me..pd sy,jika kegagalan sy dlm mentarbiyah dri sndiri n rasa dri mkin jauh adlh test dr Allah,itu br sy rasa kegagalan terbesar sy..
saudara saudari,cikebum2...nk jd solehah bkn mudah..Hanya Allah yg thu,btapa sy trlalu rndukan khidupan sy brpakaian yg dlu tp bila piki blik,smua tuh mngundang dosa..aurat sy trdedah sini sana...perangai mcm ape je..ikhtilat xsah duk habaq la..mcm2 keburukan sy dlu,sy nmpk skarang..can u imagine,dlu i pkai mekap,pkai bju stylo,tdung lilit smpai terbelit leher,pkai tdung tp aurat trdedah,heels mmg tabiat aku klu g kls..emm,but now,i realise,those just wasting up my money n time..how i feel so pure on my outfit rite now,ecewah,geli je kan...tp syukur Alhamdulillah,perubahan sy wpon mndadak,tp ia brlaku sbb niat n nawaitu sy dah lma,cma masa je yg xde tme tuh..tp lps sy change,smua pkaian yg sy xnk,sy ltk dlm plastik n mntk mama bg dkt org2 ssh..specially shawls n blouse yg i rasa sgt2 seksi baq hang..sbb i xnk trgoda blik n become like i used to be before...hehehe...fesyen skarang mkin mnjd2,pmkaian tdung mkin lawa sy tgk tp sy jd krang trgoda n jd cam xde prasaan...hahaa..klu dlu,xleh tgk fesyen tdung plik,trus nk beli shawl nih la,blouse la n etc...pstu,pkainye skali je,mmg kna hempuk la..mmbzir je keje sy dlu...Alhamdulillah,Allah ttpkan iman n hati sy..Allah xnk sy kmbali pd yg dlu..dats y,sy xkesa org ckp sy kolot,ktingglan zmn,sbb bg sy,Allah itu maha adil,kta tgk sape yg kolot n ketinggalan zmn di akhrat nnti...byk saksi kita di akhrat nnti,so,bersedialah whai muslimah2 yg krang sedar tntg pmakaian seorang muslimah yg sbnr..siyesly,x offence..xde niat nk kondem sape,just giving some sort of advice la kot..heeeeeeeeee..:)
insyaAllah,bila sudah nekad,ini akn jd sbahagian sy..doakan kalian..:)
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